February 05, 2010
by Pastor Jeremiah
Celebrating one's divorce is all the rage these days. Sales are skyrocketing for divorce “celebration” cards, divorce party supplies , and divorce cakes. Yes, the effects of a divorce can be devastating, especially when children are involved, and you may have lost half of your stuff, but what if you could make your friends buy it back for you? Would that make you feel better?
Apparently, Debenham's, a UK department store, thinks so. Debenham's is now offering a divorce gift registry service, where-by, friends are encouraged to buy gifts from the list. The store says that it got the idea from observing a popular trend among celebrities in the UK who were going all out to celebrate their divorces.
“Divorcing can be an expensive time and registering for a Divorce Gift List means that family and friends can help the newly separated begin their new life,” said Peter Moore, head of the retail services at the chain.
The announcement was made at a very strategic time of the year as couples tend to split after the chaos of the holidays. Debenham's isn't the only savvy business out there. It turns out that a British law firm was getting in on the action by offering divorce gift vouchers. The vouchers offered half off of an hour long session with a lawyer. A representative from the firm commented that they always see a dramatic increase in couples seeking advice in January.
The question is ...does all of this trivialize divorce? Is it a sane thing to celebrate something as painful and devastating as a sacred trust being broken, or a family ripped apart? I'm all for creativity in business and adapting to the market in order to make a profit, but preying on the emotions of divorce victims is a little over the top.
At the same time, there's a reality to face here. In the United States, 41% of first marriages, 60% of second marriages, and a staggering 73% of third marriages will all end in divorce. When something as painful as divorce becomes so prevalent, as it has in our society, it creates confusion (eg. we start celebrating things we should be grieving). Those who are going through a divorce become numb to the pain that it causes. “Everybody hurts, sometimes” the popular song goes.
For married couples today, splitting up is inevitable. It's like trading in an old car, or re-financing the house. “It was just time to find something better.” It's this sentiment that has produced a ground swell of public opinion that is pushing for states to provide temporary marriage licenses. The licenses would expire after a 7-10 year period. I guess that would effectively take care of the 7 year itch. No need to divorce, just let it expire.
And so, like soldiers storming the beach on D-day with their fellow comrades falling all around them, most couples don't think they are going to make it. I guess this explains the divorce party atmosphere. If you can't have a happily ever after, then maybe you can be happily divorced. Or, in the words of a popular divorce celebration card, “RIP marriage.”
Here's the real tragedy behind all of this ...what's celebrated is repeated. It's the principle of positive reinforcement. Elementary teachers understand this principle. Rather than constantly coming down on the handful of ill-behaved kids in the class, they focus their attention and their comments on those who are behaving well. What's celebrated is repeated. I'm all for supporting, caring, and loving friends and family who are going through the divorce process, but celebrating it? That is masochistic.
*If you've been looking for a church to attend, check out Westside church in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle.
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